Twitter Hockey Fans: Your Trade “Sources” Also Live in Their Parents’ Basement

One of the main reasons I started using Twitter was to be in the loop for the most up-to-date hockey news. While it’s still good for that, it’s also good for a load of bullshit, now more than ever.

I didn’t realize that so many 400 pound hockey fans with cheetos-stained fingers had so many “inside sources” intricately involved in their respective favourite NHL teams.

“Well, according to Jarome Iginla’s wife’s sister’s cousin’s boyfriend’s best friend’s hairdresser’s tailor’s deceased grandmother’s uncle’s mistress’ illegitimate child, he is so going to Pittsburgh, and the Flames will be getting Malkin and 10 draft picks.”

Sure.

The fact that people have discovered that trade rumours spread like wildfire on Twitter has been detrimental to our hockey world, and has also subsequently taken a substantial number of years off my life. You see, most people act like children, and the more attention that can be brought to them, the better.

We’re so willing to (rightly) write off Eklund with pretty much everything he says, but why not the joe-blow hockey blogger telling us that the Pens are seeking to move Crosby?

You see, we have to take a different approach to the hockey rumours we read on Twitter. Still not sure how? Lucky for all of you guys, I've made a chart:

Ultimately, I don’t give a shit that your hopes and dreams of playing in the NHL were shattered the moment you discovered you sucked at all positions. I do care, however, if you’re wasting my time by feeding me false information. I don’t want to fuel your hopes and dreams, I want to destroy them.

If you’re that bored, get a pet, or a blow-up doll. And stay in the basement.

About head shots

First off, is it "head shot" or "headshot?" I'm using the two word notation. Deal with it.

Not much more needs to be said in regards to the NHL, its officials, and the head shot issue.

Watching a game last night however, something struck me as very peculiar. It is a rule in the NHL, that if a player shoots the puck off the playing surface, its a delay of game penalty. The rule is simple. Black and white. Easy to enforce.

You never see an intermission panel discussing whether or not that call in the first period was a delay of game penalty. It either was or it wasn't.

And yet here we sit, night in, night out, discussing head shots and if THIS hit was a head shot, or if THAT hit was a head shot.

It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

You would think it'd be in the best interests of Colin Campbell and the league to protect their players (not only the stars), so it baffles me that there is a cut-and-dry delay of game call but on ice officials have no official recourse when it comes to a shot to the head. There is a murky, unclear rule now, but in the end, it is left up to the referee's discretion.

Seeing as how every NHL referee is rather incompetent, this is a terribly flawed system.

Make it simple. Make it black and white. Make it easy for the officials to look good.

Follow Mark on the Twitter: @roseyrocket